Felix on Booze, Drugs and Light-Footedness
Felix actually gave me two bottles of homemade Dago Red one time, said his cousin or something made it. He asked me one day if I drank wine, and I said, yes, I like red wine. The next time I saw him, probably the next day, he had it all ready for me, in a brown paper bag, and loudly said "Here's that mineral water I was telling you about. Try it, tell me what you think" - because it was in mineral water bottles. For the neighbors to hear, y'know? Like FELIX of ALL people would drink mineral water, for crying out loud.
In addition...he liked to tell me about his cousin the doctor who got him these great pain medications and the hallucinations he'd get while he was on them. "Whew-hoo, I saw some WEIRD things....." Of course he was probably downing the Schmidt's along with the codeine. He often mentioned cousins of his, and I often wondered if they were real blood relations or just those "cuz" kinds of guys. He used to like telling me about "those two whores with the big dog (dogs?) who use to live in the house you live in now".
I think he once told me that "Those guys down there are light on their feet, but they clean up the block and keep the neighborhood nice." "Light on their feet" ?!? I knew what he meant, but c'mon!
Felix was fascinated by these two men -- a gay couple -- who used to live around the corner from him on Montrose Street. He talked about them constantly. They were a rather grim, depressed-seeming pair, but incessantly swept the sidewalks, so Felix kind of liked them based on their community efforts. They were also very large, muscular guys with shaved heads who wore a lot of leather. Felix's take: "Those guys have huge Superman muscles and look like they could kick your ass, but I betcha could pinch 'em on the shoulder and they'd cry like a baby! A BABY!!!"
Another time, a workmate of mine (also a former neighbor known to Felix) was going out of town, and he wanted me to look in on his cats. So early in the morning this guy dropped his keys through the mail slot of my front door on his way to the airport. At the very moment he was walking away from my front door, Felix just happened to drive by...
...Within days, Felix was telling my other neighbor Susan that he'd seen this fellow "leaving Ted's house" at 7 a.m. and that the two of us were obviously, well, "light on our feet."